Entry 20170418

I’m drained. Can’t feel anything but sadness. Can’t hold on even an optimistic thought. All I can see is darkness inside of me, totally dark. I can’t smile on others’ real happiness, even I’m a part in ‘others’. Yes, distrust, diffidence and selfishness. I’m the one having all these bad characteristics. Yet, the bad is now falling in desperation. I think of things I’ve tried to get and managed to do. ‘I made an great effort, didn’t I?’ After all, I still must wonder. ‘Am I not good enough? Did I pick the wrong side?’

Time is fleeting though, I keep on being an unstable cloud floating in the mid-air. Should I give up on find somewhere I belong? Why do pursuit passions and follow dreams have to be that hard? There is no patience left. I can’t persevere until the end.

This song now isn’t for my those old puppy loves. I send it to my dream that I used to enthuse with. ‘Is it too hard to give me a break? I appreciate what we’ve been through, but I’m on my last legs, not able to be so generous anymore.’

I’m not comfortable. I’m not happy. I’m not okay. Please stop coming to me and mentioning it.

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